I am 23. I am unpaid. I have no plan.

Ever get that feeling that you’ve made a solid plan and all you have to do is follow it to be successful? Like right after New Years when you make that gym schedule, planning two sessions a day and you just know that in a month you’ll have rock hard abs. Then a month comes and you’re eating ice cream out of the container while watching the Bachelor, but you’re weirdly ok with it. I feel like that’s kind of my life right now.

Senior year, mid Spring semester… I was sitting on my bed in State College, PA, staring at the computer screen in front of me. I had a decision to make- commit 2 years to teaching in a city I knew very little about, or decline and start from scratch with my job search.

I called my older sister, then sat and thought for a bit. I texted my best friend. Sat and thought. Scrolled through pictures of this potential city. Sat and thought. Finally, I called the one person whose advice always seems to be realistic, sensible, and clear- Marcus Aurelius (my dad).

Basically what we concluded after about 20 minutes of conversation was that I should try it out. It was only two years, teaching had always been the plan, I wanted to move away from home for a bit, and the experience would look really good on a resume. Well that seemed very decided to me, so I clicked “accept”.

11 months later… (said with that deep French voice from SpongeBob)

Here I am. Sitting on my new couch in my new home in Jacksonville, Florida. Let’s just say everything did not end up being as clear as my conversation with Marcus on the phone that day. Instead of talking about all that’s gone down in the past few months, though, I’d rather just cut to the chase. I want to give you a brief version of what happened, because I don’t think this blog is about what got me here. I think it’s more about what happens now.

The job I accepted required me to train at an elementary school in Oklahoma for the summer, then placed me in a middle school here in Florida where I would be teaching for the next two years. All of this was fast, confusing, and extremely exhausting. As many can attest, teaching is tough, and even tougher when you are also trying to adapt to a culture that is VERY different from the Jersey one I had become accustomed to. Not only were the kids I was teaching from a different part of the US, but most were also from low-income families with insanely challenging lives at home. I was balancing lesson plans, middle-school drama, changes in administration, homesickness, moving costs, and the desperate need for a WAWA close to my house, all within the first few weeks.

But like I said, this blog is not about what happened or why I am where I am. Circumstances are what they are, and it's our choice what to do with them. The choice to stop being a teacher for these kids who are constantly being let down was an extremely hard one to make, but I truly do feel that I made the right decision- for me- by following the less popular path and leaving the school.

After making that arguably selfish, necessary, or maybe selfish and necessary decision, I find myself here- on my new couch in my new home in Jacksonville, Florida. I’m an intern for a company I am passionate about, doing something that makes me want to work as hard as I can. Oh but no, don’t start thinking I have it all figured out.

I am 23. I am unpaid. I have no plan. But yet, I think I am ok.

If I learned (or am trying to learn) anything from these past few crazy months, it’s this: 1) Have a plan, but know that plans change. 2) Don’t be afraid to try new things. 3) What’s right for others, and what’s right for you, are not always the same. 4) Never be afraid to fail. 5) No time is wasted time.

I may have spent a month in the landlocked, hot as heck, state of Oklahoma. I may have used up half my savings on school supplies and copies made at Office Depot, and I may have no idea what comes next- but I am happy, or at least getting to be.

“I have nooo idea, but I’m ok with it”. This is what I thought as every relative over winter break asked me what I was doing when I got back to Florida. And you know what, no line has ever made me feel more terrified and empowered. I can be a waitress, intern, nanny, student, Walmart shopping cart gatherer or whatever they call them. The world truly and completely is my oyster… or whatever part of the world I can get with a bachelor’s degree and a few good references.

I’d like to think I’m not the only one who is, has been, or will be in this position. A motto of mine has always been, “It’s ok not to be ok”. And now I think it’s time to fully embrace that. Feel free to join me as I learn to definitely struggle, probably fail, and eventually (hopefully) succeed in what my dad calls, “the best years of your life”.